I ran over a cat last midnight

Guys, I have always been a careful driver. In my 8 years of driving experience, I have only banged a dog lightly at 40km/h (24mph) at the cost of a cracked front bumper, flatten a sewage rat crossing the street and this happened right about last midnight.

The dog rushed out of nowhere and although I braked, the collision sent it swinging into the drains. It survived though. But my dad railed at me for costing him a hundred bucks to change a new bumper set.

I was going to reverse my car out of the porch in front of my place (Malaysian homes don't have a car garage) where my friend noticed this little kitten, barely a few week's old, lying down next to the left front wheel.

I grabbed the cat and put it a few steps away from my car, fearing I might rolled it over, and shooed it away. It stayed there, but at least I was confident it was a few feet away.

As I went back and started up the engine, I reversed as usual and my friend, who is my passenger, exclaimed.

"Oh jeez Isaac, the cat! Look!"

I was startled and stopped the car in the middle of the road and blankly staring at the poor sap.

It just went back to its usual spot in a matter of seconds, yup, next to my wheel and I happened to ran over its head while I reversed. I swear to God I didn't even noticed my car ran over it. I didn't even felt a bump.

I wouldn't want to describe how bad it was. My heart wrenched and felt sad and angry. I could have tossed it further a bit. I could have asked my friend to watch it for me.

The cat was writhing in great pain, its paws scratching the air violently for about a minute and finally its movements slowed and it died. There is really nothing I can do except watching it helplessly.

My neighbor happened to came back and looked at the bloody mess, also exclaimed, "Why, that's the newly born stray cat! I just played with it yesterday! Isaac, gee, what have you done?"

"I don't know man, I didn't kill it on purpose it, I tossed the cat away from my car before I reverse and yet it still came back and got its eyes popped. I guessed it was feeling cold and wanted the get the warmth of my car engine."

My neighbors shrugged, pat my back and helped me to bury that kitten into my front yard.

I'm sorry guys, I really didn't mean it. -_-

Tommy Heavenly^6 - Paper Moon

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!!!!!

YEAH, GONG XI FA CAI!

Drove like 6 hrs back to my hometown, and spent RM700 repairing my car's air cond system, will put that up once i get the chance.

Wanted to go to Singapore in a couple of days, and somehow i just can't get my god-sis's number. She seemed to have discontinued her new phone number, and revererted to the old one, which I have deleted.

I have promised her to purchase a t-shirt for SGD20 a piece, not much of a bargain after the cut for the original of SGD 25 I think.... but then, I gotta support my baby sister alright?

I am now doing one of my dream job.

Guess what, I am now working in a Cyber Cafe.

Yeah the pay's shitty, about RM4 per hour at 8 hour shift, but then the coolness of the job is that you get to use the pc for free internet surfing and youtube watching for free. Damn isn't that cool?

And then there's no need for you to do sales. Just smile to the customers, click a few times, get money, give back change, and wait for your shift's over.

Tell me that ain't cool. The cyber cafe's like only a minute away from my house.

Yeah I am still working as a car dealer, although the pay's good, but the money's been slow. It's been 5 months since I have been working, and although a few deals are underway (A promising RM8000), but you never know whether the deal will be closed or not. In other words, the money's slow and insecure.

I don't have a girlfriend to throw away my money, and since I have nothing else better to do after my car dealership, why not go for another job?

And oh yeah, I got a third job offer on the way, and you've guessed it right (or wrong). It's the good old jigsaw puzzle world.

The pay's still the old rate, I just take it as a good deed la..... helping out my friends who are deperately short handed. Sometime I help them to type business letters too, for virtually no charge at all.

I will definately spend my youth nicely to earn money. I've spent enough, and enough is enough.

Allah: Oh so mighty untouchable word

Recently there was this longer hype that the Court of Appeal of Malaysia has finally grated the premission to the Herald, an East Malaysia, Roman Catholic-oriented religion magazine which published missionary articles in Malay language, the use of "Allah" in its articles.

Not surprising, the muslim organizations, PAS and UMNO were all flared up and urged the Ministry of Home Affairs to bring up the case to the Federal Court, hoping in a last-ditch attempt to prohibit the use of the word "Allah" by a non-Islamic magazine.

Some days before, 300 muslim gathered in Penang and shouted chants and slogans to voice out their dissent about the court's decision, and kept on yapping about the usage of the word "Allah" in non-Muslim article "will confuse" Muslims.

MOTHER FUCKING BULLSHIT.

To all these Taliban wannabes, let's get the fucking cold hard facts right.

The word "Allah" in Malay language is not original, it's a borrowed word from Arabian. It literally just meant "God", nothing else. Go to Egypt, Saudi Arabia, or even Iran, and don't be astonished that even the Arabian Christians will use Allah in both speeches and written forms.

So, what's so freaking special with this word made of two As, two Ls and an H? Oh, look out! it's the almighty word, "Allah"! You guys can't use it! It's ours! Nya~~~~ It's ours!!!! Waaaaaa Not fair!

Man If I am God I will laugh at their stupidity. Hell the Iranians were, in fact, laughing at the local Muslims for their over zealousness.

It's just a word, and you guys just kill yourself in the name of preserving status quo.

Answer me this question before the flaming comes in: Muslims use the word "God" in English too. Should the British Authorities, based upon the fact that Protestant Christianity is actually United Kingdom's official religion, banned the non-Christians (Yeah that means muslims too!) from using the English word "God" because "It might confuse the Christians?"

Oh, they won't think about it, worst comes to worst, strap a ten-pound TNT on to their waist and pull the cord on a crowded area after chanting "ALLAH IS GREAT!!!"

Yes another hardened proof that Muslims = Extremes.

Living in United Kingdom (UK) Compare to Malaysia

I found this article on a website, and thought it was fun circulating about it. Guess that my gut feeling about UK is right - way better than Malaysia!

I tried to point out that many Malaysians always convert and that is why they say the UK is expensive. In fact, the cost of living is much cheaper than in Malaysia. In actual fact, Malaysians are being conned because for such a rich and resource rich country, the pay in Malaysia is way too low compared to the cost of living and inflation.

One good example is Singapore

Singaporeans (average) earns around S$3000 to S$4000 and nearly everything is half the price of Malaysia. Eg clothes, computer parts, electronics etc. But the average Malaysian still earns M$2000 plus and goods are double the price of Singapore.

This is the same as the UK. If you earn around 2000 pounds, you can liken this to the person earning RM$2000 in Malaysia. I give you some examples below. Maybe you can understand.

1) Good terrace house

It is more or less the same. If you want a house in KL, it would most probably be in Puchong and not Damansara Heights. So, your house would be RM$200,000. In UK, you can get a decent new house in Zone 6 (still within the tube) for 200,000 pounds.

If non London, you can get a nice house also for less than 200,000 pounds outside London. The same also applies to buying a house in Seremban, Kajang etc. You can buy a nice house for RM200,000 below.

So buying a house is the same for the local and the Malaysian. Renting a place is the same too or maybe cheaper than in Malaysia (I am not sure of this). A 2-bedroom flat in London is about 750 pounds (Zone 2). 500 pounds outside Zone 6 but still able to commute to London. A 2-bedroom house in Nottingham is 450 to 500 pounds. A 3-bedroom house in Belfast is about 300 pounds.


2) A car

A good Wira is RM$55,000. Most Malaysians have to take 7-year loans and be in debt all the time. If you are earning RM$2000 a month, you take nearly 3 years saving the RM$2000 with not eating at all just to buy a Wira.

In UK, the average local earns about 2000 pounds. He saves 3 months, he can buy outright a good Ford Fiesta or a Vauxhall Corsa without being in debt.

If buying a second hand car, even better. A 1990 Mercedes 190E cost 500 pounds. My 1996 Mercedes E220 cost 2000 pounds. My friend just gave me his 1989 Honda Accord (Auto) for free because he said he could only get 30 pounds for it.

I used it for a few months and decided to give it of for free too. That alone speaks for itself.

Even if you are kuli or an office boy, you still can drive a Mercedes or a BM. Yes, kuli’s and office boy’s get paid quite well.Average temp/office boy in London can earn about 7 to 10 pounds an hour. Overtime is 1.5 times or double. A brick-layer can earn 20 pounds an hour. The same Indon who lays bricks inMalaysia earns RM$50 for the whole day.

Before I became a doctor, I used to be an office boy and I earned near 300 pounds a week working about 70 hours a week. My makan was 30 pounds a week. My rent was 70 pounds a week for a room but I still drove a BMW back then. I bought the 10-year old BMW 3 Series car for 200 pounds.

Amazing how an office boy can drive a safe and luxurious car.



3) Petrol

For a UK person earning 2000 pounds, 80 pence a litre/gallon is cheaper than RM$1.52 paid in Malaysia. If you don’t convert, it is like paying 80 sen a litre in Malaysia

4) Shopping

20 pounds (which is 1% of 2000 pounds) can buy you 1 week’s worth of groceries in Tesco. RM$100 (which is 10% of RM$2000) can also buy you 1 week’s worth of groceries in Giant or Carrefour.

5) Utility Bills (This is what I pay in UK)

1. Virtually non-stop heating the whole day only 20 pounds a month. (Only 1% of the 2000 pounds earned)

2. Electricity, I use my electricity maximum only 20 pounds a month. (Only 1% of the 2000 pounds earned)

3. My water bill also comes to about 20 pounds a month (Only 1% of the 2000 pounds earned)

4. My internet – I get 2Mbps for about 25 pounds (Bulldog DSL)(Also slightly above 1% of the 2000 pounds earned)

5. Astro Equivalent (NTL cable or Sky) – 30 pounds per month (Also slightly above 1% of the 2000 pounds earned)

In Malaysia, this is what I used to pay

1. Tenaga Bill comes to RM$200 to RM300 a month with 3 air-cons. This is more than 10% of the RM$2000 earned)

2. Water (Puas) comes to RM$40 (This is about 2% of the RM$2000 earned)

3. Astro RM$100 (if you take Chinese package) (This is about 5% of the RM$2000 you earn)

4. Internet Streamyx 512K RM 88 per month (This is about 5% of RM2000 you earn)

6) Books

A good book is about 10 to 15 pounds in the UK. This is less than 1% of the 2000 pounds you earn. In Malaysia, you have to spend RM$75 to RM$100 for a decent book in MPH or Kinokuniya in KLCC. This is about 5% of the RM$2000 ringgit you earn.

7) Education

I think it is about RM$20,000 per year to do a degree in Sunway Monash and about RM$12,000 per year to send your kid to UM, UKM, USM etc. I am not sure about this.

But in UK, it is only 3000 pounds a year to send your kid to a great university. That also, the white man still makes a lot of noise because the grants were taken away. Previously, it was virtually free for the English man to send his kid to university but now, since the grant was taken away, he has to spend 3000 pounds per year to send his kid to university and less money to get drunk in the pub.

Well, if you are earning RM$2000 ringgit, sending your kid to UM to study is quite difficult. If you are earning 2000 pounds per month, you can easily send you kid to university in the UK.

Even worse for the poor non bumi’s not given a place in local university.

Even if they can afford, they won’t get a place because of the quota system. Unfortunately, the Chinaman and the Indian who gets 5A’s in STPM have to be sacrificed and not given a place to let the Malay fellow with 2E’s and 3 Fail’s to enter the Medical Faculty or Law Faculty.

So the non-bumi’s have to save RM100,000 per year to send their kid to the UK. In the UK, at least the white man still can go into university based on results and merit and only pay 3000 pounds per year.

Luxuries

Panasonic Plasma TV in Malaysia about RM20,000. If you are earning RM$2000 a month, memang mahal! You have to save 2 years your monthly salary to buy it. In UK, the same Panasonic ironically, Panasonic plasma is made in Japan and Japan is close to Malaysia, so the plasma should be cheaper in Malaysia) is only 2000 pounds. And this is only 10% of the 2000 pounds earned.

9) Health

NHS is free. Though the service is slow, quality is still there. You still can get a top quality by-pass for free although you may have to wait many months.

In Malaysia, IJN charges RM$30,000. SJMC charges RM$50,000. GH is free but as many people know, GH and UH have clown doctors.

10) Assessments to local councils

I may pay high council tax but at least my council assures my streets are clean and safe, got no holes (pot holes) on my roads, and they jump and attend to me whenever I call them.

When I stayed in Malaysia, I paid my assessment and quite rent but MPSJ (I lived in Subang) told me to “podah” whenever I asked

them to come and fill up the pot holes, cut the long lalang, put street lighting etc.

The councils, especially MPPJ and MPSJ, were more interested in eating nasi lemak and going for 10 teh tariks in a day during office hours and hardly did anything for their residents.

11) Income Tax

My national insurance and income tax also is not wasted. When I was unemployed in 1997, the government via social security paid for my 2-bedroom flat for one whole year and I was given about 100 pounds per week for me and my wife to live on. I am happy to know that one day if I lose my job, I can still claim social security and get my apartment paid and food to eat again for free. It is a good security to know.

Jonathan, the list goes on. Here alone you can see, the sterling you earn goes a long way in the UK. So your quality of life is far better in the UK than a Malaysian in Malaysia. It is just that Malaysians are just too content with what they have. But you compare apple for apple.

The British just love to complain. They have it made but still they love to complain. Nothing is good enough for the British. The government gives the citizens so much but they still seem to want more and more.


Written by:

Dr. Zain Azrai

London

What a lonely Christmas!

Yesterday I spent one of my worst xmas ever in my life.... passing it alone, ever since my break up with my ex-gf. Haiz, just got 2 free movie vouchers from P1wimax, but then no one wanna go to the movies with me!

Sheesh, So I took to trouble to the movies in KLCC, queued for an hour (hell tons of people there) and then watched Treasure Hunter starred by Jay Chou and Lin Chiling. The movie, if you asked me, was bad. I was there just to watch Chiling, she is smokin' hot, and her soft voice, wooo really melts me.

I sent an sms to Durran mei to greet her merry xmas, it seems that she received the whole thing, but never replied. Does that mean she is out of Singapore or what?

Actually got people wanna invite me to go to Singapore to spend the xmas, mwhich is kinda tempting but then, have to do my thesis, so cannot go lor. :P

I will post up more music videos de, well, it seems that the purpose of this blog is just to shiok myself. :P

OMG I fell in love with this phone! Samsung W880 (M8920) - 12 Megapixel OPTICAL camera phone!!!!

Some of its specs:

-12 megapixels
-3x optical lens (this is what I am waiting for decades!)
-capacitive touch screen, not resistive so it is much more precise and responsive!
-3.3" AMOLED screen with 16 million colors
-Wi-fi enabled (European Version)
-Recording video: 720p HD recording at 30fps
-2x digital zoom
-Xenon flash (finally!)
-4GB built-in flash memory and 32GB memory card support




This is a meaningful breakthrough moment because it finally blurs the line between a digital camera and a phone. From now on i don't have to bring another camera phone --- truly 2 in 1! Just a couple of extra batteries and desk chargers I guess :P

Better don't drop this one..... It must be weird because I am using a digital camera to make calls and using a mobile phone to shoot pictures (WE DID THAT AGES AGO!):P

Fish Leong - Mei You Ru Guo (No Ifs)

如果我說 愛我沒有如果
錯過就過 你是不是會難過
若如果拿來當藉口
那是不是有一點弱

如果我說 愛我沒有如果
真的愛我就放手一搏
還想什麼還 怕什麼
快牽起我的手

有人說 世界上最遙遠的距離不是 生與死
而是 我就站在你面前 你卻不知道我 愛你
我常說 如果人類連愛一個人都被自己綁住
那世界末日已來到 不需要等到地球毀滅掉 的那天

如果我說 愛我沒有如果
錯過就過 你是不是會難過
若如果拿來當藉口
那是不是有一點弱

如果我說 愛我沒有如果
真的愛我就放手一搏
還想什麼還 怕什麼
快牽起我的手

如果如果 沒有如果
如果如果 最後變成路過
我也不能接受
錯過 錯過 錯過 錯過 (不想錯過)
我比你更難過 我不會一錯再錯
嗯 這次不要再隨便錯過

我常說 如果人類連愛一個人都被自己綁住
那世界末日已來到 不需要等到地球毀滅掉 的那天

別怕太快樂 別怕失去我

如果我說 愛我沒有如果
錯過就過 你是不是會難過
若如果拿來當藉口
那是不是有一點弱

如果我說 愛我沒有如果
真的愛我就放手一搏
還想什麼還 怕什麼
快牽起我的手

DaLa DaLa DaLa DaLa
DaLa DaLa DaLa DaLa
快牽起我的手

如果我說 愛我沒有如果
錯過就過 你是不是會難過
若如果拿來當藉口
那是不是有一點弱

如果我說 愛我沒有如果
真的愛我就放手一搏
還想什麼還 怕什麼
快牽起我的手

若如果拿來當藉口
那是不是有一點弱

沒有如果

還想什麼還 怕什麼
快牽起我的手

若如果拿來當藉口
那是不是有一點弱

如果我說 愛我沒有如果
真的愛我就放手一搏
還想什麼還 怕什麼
快牽起我的手

Zhao You Ting & COLOR BAND - Wu Lai Zheng Yi (無賴正義) KTV Version

Mei, these two songs are dedicated to you~~~~ Kor Kor love you always~~~~ HUGZ

Black and White ED "Perfect Stranger" by Pickers

long time no see..... meh, nobody cares.

1. Failed one subject. Blehh~~~~~ Normally the subject that I thought I would have failed it, will not fail. Instead the "safest" ones will fail...... I should have thought ALL of them would fail, so ALL of them would pass. The resit fee is RM80 I think.......

2. school fee needs RM1066. 

3. Approached by a guy who wanted me to sell cars.... NO, Not toy cars or Remote Controlled ones.... REAL CARS. If I managed to pull off just one deal, he will give me commission of rm1500. and If I can pull like 3 of them in month, he will give me rm4500 + rm1500 bonus. Sounded too great to be true, but heck, I'm down on that.

4. Recently met a girl in my Jigsaw Puzzle World who self-introduces as a "Fushoshi" (腐女, ふしこし / ふしょし ) and she is a really vibrant character... A fushoshi normally meant a girl who loves Boy Love Japanese Mangas, or literally meant girls who love those super cute, handsome, charming guys in 2D sense.

I remembered that she told me about the difference between how a man and a woman gets seduced. Of course, the man is well-known for their visual-oriented profiling and assessment of the opposite sex, but it is really harder for another woman to be successfully seduced by a guy, this is because girls are typically "feeling-oriented". "I must have the feel", I don't feel like it. Emotional, and instinctive the somehow the key to explain their various behaviors.

By the way, all a guy needs to do is look at a girl, and smile.

I still think scorpio guys are the best for you ladies who wanted a guy who is a bit naughty, but loves you nonetheless..... My personal favourite is Pisces girl.

 

5. I have yet to start re-writing my thesis.... have to go to the library to start hacking books..... again.

A lot of things has happenned since my last relationship. 

My house got burglared....

yup this happenned like in the morning at around 10.30am AFTER i left my home. Two guys came, as told by my neighbor whom she thought was our friends, and she heard them knocking our iron doors several times with a hammer, and she thought like we were "having fun" and did not care.

amazingly, I didn't lost anything. My beloved-just-bought LG LCD monitor wasn't being touched, and my friends, whom had in-door windows too near to the corridor and next to their doors were broken into and the damage was as follows:

2 laptops worth more than RM4000 altogether

2 thumb drives

RM500 cash

a passbook.


the safety in malaysia is really really bad.... and I am kinda terrified because we don't know who's gonna be the next victim.

If I went out late for another 30 minutes or so, I might have to confront 2 hammer/machete armed burglars all by myself as all my housemates were taking classes.


May those two motherfuckers who robbed my house get cursed and die of blood draining totally from their filthy bodies, and souls condemned in eternal burning hell.

Should Chin Peng be allowed to come back to Malaysia.

Today i had a rather heated debate with a classmate of mine during the class.

When the lecturer mentioned The case of Chin Peng's application to return to Malaysia, I casually said, "He should not be allowed to return to Malaysia." My course mate, the course representative shouted, "He is an old man, he cannot do anything bad anymore...." all those kind of crap.

So the fuck what he is an old man? He had no remorse of waging war with the government, he had no remorse of killing innocent lives during the emergency times. Hell, our government spared his life by allowing him to live his worthless life in anywhere. He should be thankful that we never sent assassins to kill him during the armistice agreement signing.

I got flared up and just told her to shut up.

No use wanna talk about it, just felt sad for those soldiers and innocent people who got killed under his orders. They fought for nothing..... thanks to some people who doesn't even know the meaning of "Justice".

You wanna forgive and forget? Then try this thought experiment: 30 years ago, a man broke into your house, and plunder everything, rape and kill everyone in your house except you. He then escaped to another country. You know who is the culprit, and 30 years later, he wanted to come back to your country, but he never felt regretted for what he had done. Will you allow him to come back? Can you still contain yourself when you see your blood enemy appear in the KLIA?

That is what those family members of sacrificed servicemen felt. They fought and give their lives for this country, and the people they tried to protect defends their murderer. What a shame!

King of Pop Dies

Yeah, quite a shocker huh?

He died of Cardiac Arrest at the UCLA Medical Center, 25 June 2009.

And his so called 50 last concerts to make his retirement in this year's end shall never came true....

RIP, Michael Jackson.

http://www.michaeljackson.com/

Empty

I don't know why am i writing this, I am suddenly feeling empty, like suddenly losing my focus on everthing, I am like having no mood to do anything at all.

I became forgetful, feeling restless, yet always only able to sleep after 3am.

I really need to adjust my bio clock.

Is it because I was bogged down by my college matters? Why can't I just calm down?

I don't even know what the heck am i typing right now.

I felt like, I wasn't there for the entire world. At one side, I love be left alone, but yet I found out that I was the outcast in my class. I tried to mix with the people but it failed, so I just stop, stop trying to appeal to other people.

Nobody cares about me, and that, perhaps is a relieve.

It's like, I suddenly felt I didn't have a purpose for my existence.

I never ignored people. I swear, but i was constantly being ignored, and that wasn't cool at all.

Alright, gotta bath, then read my borrowed book from the college library and then go to sleep. I got heaps of crap have to clean up.


* * *

I'm finally out of the internship!

Yes and now finally I'm year two.

Year two of advance diploma is more hectic that I have imagined. Thinking that I have 3 projects stuffed down my throat on merely the second week in the semester really chills my spine.

But I am really burning out. I haven't gone back to JB to see my parents since Feb and I am really tired for all the packed appointments and so on. Life after the loss of my love life has gone more busier than I thought.

My Samsung D900i handphone is really getting old. Why, how time flies! I bought in year 2007 and it served me well.

Wait a minute, I have so many things to buy. I need to get a net book by the time I arrive in London on next year's June, I need a vacuum cleaner because my room is such a mess, I need at least a new external hard disk drive, and now, a new hand phone.

Maybe I'll just do what I usually do when it comes to new gadgets... wait it out.

Life is pretty normal after I break up with my girlfriend. I can finally save some money instead of throwing it away on her. I can now focus on doing more part time jobs to supplement my cause, and yes, the new school bill of RM1770 is definately killing me.

I can't surf wikipedia for some fucking reason!

I just can't do it! I'm using p1wimax and this is the third day i can't access it!

Democracy is really dead, wear or not wear black clothes?

Well for me I will wear it for a day, you want to wear it or not, that's up to you.

I wear because, I like it, not because of some dude from BERSIH asked me to.

And if I am ever caught by the police just by wearing A BLACK T-SHIRT, hell, tough shit then.

You do not, will not, and shall not win the Perak people's hearts with cheap tricks such as hijacking the entire Dewan Negeri.

I mean, why is BN afraid of by-elections?

They say it's a waste of tax payer's money as each by-election cost approximately RM20 million.

Yes we had so many misuses of the public funds that goes unanswered. Some cases wouldn't even be allowed for checks and balances as it was solely under the Official Secrets Act.

For an example, the PLUS highway contracts.

How much money do the government need to repay these companies each time they deny the raise of toll prices, over these years?

And they say it is a waste of money to by-election, the most foundamental practise, the must for democracy, or makkal sakti.

It has been more than 50 years since our independence and sadly, there weren't much progress in our leaders' minds, as they began to be even more unruly, and the "One Malaysia" once again join the batch of hollow slogans like its predecessors.... whatever happenned to Islam Hadhari?

I'm finally single again~

Yes, after a year of dragging, we broke up again....

I really don't know how to say, it wasn't as painful as the first time, maybe that means I also do not love her anymore?

Do I not love her?

Those happy, sad, and emotional events were imprinted inside my mind forever.

How we met each other, how we used to dream about our future, her coking, we bought groceries together.... we made love to each other... it all seemed yesterday.... the memories were still fresh.

So what she was 25 years my senior, who gives the shit?

She just can't get over that barrier, and it's good that we split, rather than have to fight over our age gap.

She doesn't love me anymore.... so all those reconcilements made last year.... wasn't that strong anyway...

it's like a lightbulb burns out, you tried to patch back the burnt filaments, it glows far brighter than it old self, but snaps after a short while...

And our relationship glows dimmer and dimmer..... until it dies out.

I don't understand, how can ex-couples become friends? How can you mix libido with friendship..... it's awkward, and painful for the men, and it's super selfish.

I don't know whether I should hate her, or just cling on to my passion and continue to wait..... is it worth the wait?

No it's not, but it is so hard to put down... man everything in this universe can be explained scientifically, except religion and love relationships.

Totally no logic at all.

I don't think I can love another woman like I loved my ex.... do I still have the strength to love another person? I am tired, very very tired.

Every night I would just cling onto my pillow and blanket and tried to sleep. It was hard, so I have no choice but to read books, surf the net until fatigue took over my body.

Everyday I would just work, work my ass off to tranquilize my senses. Only work that I can find my life useful. Yeah it was only an internship at a newspaper office, but it's better than goofing off around.

I feel like a living corpse.

My senses are numb. I am forgetting how to love a person. I am getting cruel... I am alone.

Dragging wasn't an answer, I know. Everybody knows. But that's not the answer I wanted.... somehow I am waiting for the answer to change, but maybe that's meaningless by now.

After 5 years, I am back to the 1st stage, I am going to be alone again.

Just let the nature take its place....